Previous installment: The Wheel: Part 6, The Game of Life
Start at the beginning: The Wheel: Part 1, Jack Colby
Where we left off: Steve brought dinner over and played a few games of UNO with Jack and Justin. Jack saw The Game of Life in the closet and remembered that it was Megan’s favorite.
Voiceover narration: Andrew Thomas
Art: Jenelle Thomas https://alovelygiraffe.com
Thad and Marcia
Thad and Marcia Johnson arrived at the house relatively early the next day.
When he opened the door to them, Marcia looked up at him, began to cry, and said, “Oh, Jack.”
He had to bend significantly to hug her and cried quietly himself. Through closed eyes, he heard Thad say, “Hey, big guy,” and grunt as he picked up Justin.
Jack held onto his mother-in-law—his Mom—until his back began to hurt. When was the last time he and Sheila had hugged that long? Until his back hurt? He began to let go, but Marcia squeezed him tighter and whispered, “Not yet. Let me try to clear my eyes for Justin.” Jack nodded and tried to shrink himself so she could reach up over his shoulder and wipe her eyes. With that done, she pulled away with a few quick blinks and turned to Thad, who was holding Justin and looking like he didn’t know what to say. Marcia smiled up at Justin and swept him into her arms.
Thad wrapped himself around Jack. “Son,” he said into his ear.
“Dad.”
For a moment, that was it. Calm comfort, much needed.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
Words of consolation, surely, but Jack only felt guilt. After all, they lost a lot, too, and it was all on his watch. “I’m sorry too,” was all he managed.
When they separated, they looked down at Marcia, who was now on her knees alternating between making Justin giggle with little tickles here and there and hugging and kissing and squeezing him like she was trying to wring out every last ounce of what was left of her daughter, just so she could feel her again.
Jack watched this with the concern that had begun to prick at him the day before, but was now growing into a nag: Justin was still showing no sign of emotion; he was acting as though it was a visit like any other. Jack thought for sure that the sight of his grandparents in tears would finally have elicited some in Justin, but as he bounded off to his room to grab one of his Lego inventions to show them, Jack realized it wasn’t going to happen.
Marcia wiped her eyes and muttered, “How’s he doing?”
Jack shook his head. “You’re seeing it, more or less. The only thing different is he’s excited to see you at the moment. Otherwise, it’s like all the highs are gone, but the lows went with them.” Jack sighed and continued. “I’m a bit worried, to be honest. He asked me where they were yesterday morning, and when I told him, he reacted as if I were telling him what was for breakfast. He hasn’t mentioned it again. Oh, and he won’t let me out of his sight.”
“Did he see anything that…” Thad trailed off, unable or unwilling to finish the question, but Jack knew where he was going.
“No, thankfully, but I think that’s also part of the problem. I don’t know what to do about it.”
Marcia turned to look up at Jack and put her hands on his shoulders, just like he had done to Justin in the dining room the morning before. “Jack, you don’t do anything about it. Losses like this affect kids this age very differently. You’ll probably need to consider counseling for him soon. For yourself too,” she added, “but for now, just keep being a good dad and be there for him. He’ll deal with it eventually.”
Her eyes swam with tears again as she offered a pitying smile. Jack breathed heavily. He didn’t like to think about how all of this would affect Justin later, but at least it wasn’t another thing to deal with now.
Seconds later, Justin came running back into the room, and Thad said, “Oh wow, you built that yourself?”
“Yep!” Justin replied brightly.
“No instructions?”
“No, I made it up!”
“Well, you’re a good builder, Justin.”
Marcia took an interest, too, and Justin began explaining how it was a rocket ship that used a propeller to fly through space and that the flowers on the front could survive in space because they weren’t real flowers. Jack smiled. It didn’t matter that he was in his late thirties; it didn’t matter that he was “Dad.” Right now, he needed to feel like it wasn’t all on him; that Mom and Dad were there to make sure everything turned out alright.
Sometime later, Jack stepped onto the back porch to call the funeral home. It came as a minor relief that the Funeral Director offered to come to the house that afternoon to go over the next steps. Jack didn’t love the idea of driving to the funeral home, which was mere blocks from the site of the accident. In his mind’s eye, the Ferris Wheel would still be there, peering ominously over the downtown buildings, grasping them with its colorful fingers.
Kilroy was here. It would say. KILLROY.
He shivered and shook the vision off.
After the call ended, Jack poured coffee for the three of them and encouraged Justin to go make a new Lego in his room so they could consider some of the details before the meeting. Justin agreed and quickly ran to his room, only to return moments later with a handful of blocks. He dropped them loudly on the dining table and climbed into the only unoccupied chair.
Jack barely restrained a sigh. “Hey, bud, we have some stuff to talk about. Could you do that in your room for a little bit?”
Justin didn’t respond.
“Justin? Did you hear me?” Jack asked.
“I don’t want to,” Justin murmured.
“Come on, just for a little bit,” Jack pleaded. He got up and attempted to usher Justin out of his chair. “Let’s go see if we can find something else that’s fun for you to do in your room.”
“I don’t want to!” Justin yelled and threw his weight against Jack’s hand, which was trying to encourage him out of his seat.
Not expecting the sudden weight shift, Jack’s hand slid off Justin’s back, and Justin fell sideways in his chair. Luckily, Jack recovered his wits quickly, caught Justin mid-fall, and lifted him back into an upright position, or tried at least. Justin had begun to flail and struggle against him even more.
“No, I don’t want to go!” he screamed.
“Whoa, I’m just—” but Jack couldn’t finish his sentence. One of Justin’s flying fists careened into his upper lip and smashed it into his teeth. Jack instantly felt the iron taste of blood grow in his mouth.
“Ouch! God dammit, Justin! I was just trying to help you back into your chair!” Jack wiped the underside of his lip and found that the bleeding was minimal, thankfully. “Can you at least go watch TV in the living room or something?”
“I don’t want to,” Justin reiterated.
Jack wasn’t sure if Justin realized he was responding to a new suggestion or not, and opened his mouth to say as much when Thad interjected. “Justin, why don’t you and I go together? We can build something too; how does that sound?”
Justin smiled and got out of his chair without a word. Jack blinked a long, slow blink.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Of course. You guys get started without me.”
Jack squeezed his father-in-law’s shoulder as Thad turned and followed Justin down the hallway to the room. When he sat back down, Marcia was looking at him with a sad understanding on her face.
“Man, he’s been clingy,” Jack said as he wiped his lip again, “but that was unexpected.”
Marcia nodded. “You are probably going to deal with a bit of that for a while. Kids’ emotions come out in weird ways.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Jack agreed. “Well, we better use the time while we have it.” He rubbed his eyes from the outside in until thumb and forefinger were pinching the bridge of his nose. “When do we want to schedule the funerals? How long can you guys stay in town?”
Jack looked back up at Marcia and was surprised to see her looking back like he was speaking a foreign language.
“I mean, if you need to go home between now and then, that’s ok. I didn’t think—”
“Funerals?” She asked, placing all emphasis on the letter “s”.
Jack sat back in his chair, mouth open and eyes searching around for they did not know what. He had never once considered a joint funeral. In life, Sheila and Megan had their inevitable similarities, but to Jack, his wife and daughter were very different people. They occupied different chambers of his heart, had offered different types of comfort to his life, and had very different futures stolen from them. Nothing felt right about combining them into some tidy gift basket of grief. However, amidst this most illogical situation, he had to admit it was probably the most logical option. A joint funeral would be cheaper and more convenient for friends and family, although nothing about this felt cheap or convenient to him.
“Huh,” Jack breathed. “I don’t know why I never thought of just doing one, but I guess it makes sense. It would be easier on Justin, at least.”
And easier on me.
He was relieved that Marcia didn’t jump in with a list of reasons why this was the right decision. She simply offered that familiar pitying smile that he was beginning to loathe. If it meant he wouldn’t need to see looks like that as many times, a joint funeral sounded great.
“Ok, well…we’ll have to see what Reynolds has open, but something later in the week or next weekend is probably best. Will that work for you guys?”
Marcia nodded. “Yes, we planned to be here at least that long.”
And so they began to wade into the sad details of the week to come.
Friday, the day of the funeral, finally came. It was time for Jack and Justin, Marcia and Thad, and all their friends and family to say a mournful goodbye to those they loved so much. Jack lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to greet the day. It felt as if the simple act of getting out of bed would make it all real.
Justin was still splayed out next to him, tangled in sheets, mouth open, and chest lifting gradually. He thought about the night before and how much fun Justin had had with his cousins. Sheila’s brother David had arrived Wednesday night. Her sister Trisha arrived the next morning with her husband and two kids in tow, and Jack was truly thankful for the extra company. Justin still had a hard time letting Jack out of his sight, but it was becoming clear that the more people that were around, the more normal things felt, the more Justin was able to be independent. It was a small comfort, but at this point, Jack would take comfort no matter the size.
Jack dozed, and when he woke again some time later, he began the long process of trying to wake Justin. Eventually, Justin turned to face Jack, and his eyelids pulled slowly apart. They lay there staring into the depths of each other’s eyes in the way that only a parent and child can. Jack smiled.
“Morning, bud.”
Justin responded with a yawn.
“We better get up. Got a big day ahead of us.”
Part 8, coming on Monday
"hugging and kissing and squeezing him like she was trying to wring out every last ounce of what was left of her daughter, just so she could feel her again."
DAMN.
Well written & moving